Hi!
I'm Carole
Hello! I’m Dr. Carole Swiecicki, a licensed clinical psychologist with a 15 year career in helping people overcome trauma. I am also an infertility survivor, an IVF warrior, and a mom.
Over the course of my many years of infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, and subsequent pregnancy, I spent a lot of time Googling questions I had.
A. LOT.
“A lot” is actually an understated amount, and I know I’m not alone here. During infertility, so many really valid questions go through our minds. What are my odds of success with this cycle? What symptoms do I look for – both positive ones and not? What about the odds of success with ungraded embryos – should we try PGS? Should we do an ERA? Could my irritability be related to my medications? Or could it be a pregnancy sign?
The questions go on and on! I am a curious person in general and a research scientist by training (PhD in Clinical Psychology) – so I really wanted to know both for information and to ease fears I was having. I can’t tell you how many time I looked for the same journal article from Fertility & Sterility (it was this one on embryo grading and outcomes). If you similarly find yourself spending countless hours searching for answers, this blog post is for you.
I spent a lot of time looking for information online – sometimes that time is fruitful, and others, it may be better spent elsewhere!
I am thankful that, because of my training, I am able to distill a lot of the research – but part of why I founded Remolina was because this process of searching isn’t always helpful for our moods. A good system of care would allow us to have our questions answered with evidence-based information from our medical providers! (I also founded Remolina because information on mood and behavioral side effects of medications and cycles is far from readily available – and most clinics don’t have mental health professionals embedded to help connect the medical interventions with emotional support techniques.
But this post isn’t just about finding the answers from reliable, professionals sources. It’s also about stopping to think about what you are REALLY looking for.
So, my first thought for those of us looking, is to stop and write down what your question really is.
Seriously, pull out a piece of paper and write it down.
Now, look at what you wrote.
Is it about your medical care? Is it looking to find others who have been through what you’ve been through so you are not alone? Is it related to a fear or worry you have? (And if so, is that a medical worry or a general one?) Are you looking for a glimmer of hope?
All of these are really valid reasons to be looking. I challenge you, though, to think about if the way you are looking is 1) a good place to get this information, and 2) helping your emotional state.
Information at our fingertips can be both helpful and stressful – it helps to ask, what are you really looking for?
Medical questions are best answered by 1) YOUR specialized medical provider, or 2) A specialized medical provider. There are several REIs with phenomenal information on infertility and pregnancy loss in the social media space. My favorites are @drlorashahine @nataliecrawfordmd and @temekazoremd
Connection matters! If you find you are looking for connection with others, that is helpful to know. Different people feel supported from different things. There is a great amount of support in the #ttccommunity online – but online support is not for everyone. Resolve also has in-person and virtual support groups. The ASRM also has professionals who provide 1:1 therapy if connecting with someone outside of your sphere would be helpful.
If you are looking to reduce fears, worries, or looking for hope – I am with you. This journey is really hard. We all find hope in different ways, too. Sometimes knowing from your medical provider that there is a chance for the outcome you want helps. Sometimes it is knowing that someone else has had success with similarly background as you. Sometimes it comes in the form of therapy (ASRM is a good resource!). The road to building a family happens in many ways – so at the end of the day there certainly is hope in that outcome if it is what you are wishing for. But it is sometimes a long, winding, steep road. While I have every confidence you *can* go it alone, we are here to try and help make it a little less daunting.
With that, I offer one last thought. If you’ve read all of this and think, “I still want to look up my question.” Go for it! You get to choose how you spend your time. Perhaps this has helped you hone in on what you are looking for. Perhaps you know now what the time helps with. Maybe recognize that after a certain amount of time, the effort you are spending may not be paying off. Nonetheless, you get to choose where and how you look. Most of all, I hope you find what you are looking for.
